What is a healthy relationship

A healthy relationship is one that makes you feel happy, safe, valued and respected.

There are many different types of relationships—relationships with a partner, family and friends, work mates or a carer. All relationships should be a positive experience for the people in it.

Everyone has the right to a healthy relationship.

It is important to recognise when a relationship is unhealthy.

In an unhealthy relationship, you might feel scared, unsafe, trapped or controlled. Sometimes the other person might say or do mean things that make you think negatively about yourself.

Unhealthy relationships can be, or become, abusive. Domestic and family violence (DFV) can impact anyone, but women with disability are almost twice as likely to experience domestic and family violence than women without disability (Australian Institute of Health and Welfare).

It’s important to understand what a healthy relationship looks and feels like, so you can tell if something isn’t right and can take steps to improve or leave that situation.

View the video below to learn more about the difference between healthy and unhealthy relationships:

Duration 00:03:03

0:00
There are many different types of relationships.

0:02
You can have relationships with a partner, family and friends, workmates or carers.

0:09
All relationships should be a positive experience for the people in them, and everyone has the right to healthy relationships.

0:17
It's important to understand what a healthy relationship looks and feels like so you can tell if your relationship is unhealthy or if you might be experiencing domestic and family violence.

0:30
A healthy relationship makes you feel happy, safe, and respected.

0:34
You feel like you matter.

0:36
In a healthy relationship, you make some decisions together and some decisions by yourself.

0:42
You are kind, honest, and respectful with each other.

0:46
You trust each other.

0:47
You both try and make the relationship work.

0:50
You give each other some privacy.

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You can talk about anything with each other.

0:55
You support each other in bad times.

0:58
You enjoy good times together.

1:00
You share your ideas, opinions, and problems.

1:04
Sometimes you might not agree with each other, and that's OK.

1:08
When you don't agree, you work together and decide what to do next.

1:13
Sadly, some relationships can be unhealthy.

1:17
Unhealthy relationships can be abusive and controlling or become abusive and controlling.

1:24
If you are physically hurt or feel scared, unsafe, trapped, or controlled in a relationship, you might be experiencing domestic and family violence or the relationship is unhealthy.

1:38
In an unhealthy relationship, the other person might say or do things that make you feel isolated, guilty or ashamed, worn down, invisible, not listened to, worried about how they will react, or obligated to them.

1:55
They might also make you question yourself, what you know, and your experience of events.

2:01
They might want to control things like what you do, who you can visit or talk to, if or when you can leave your home, if you receive any supports or services, and how you earn or use your money.

2:15
They do these things to restrict your freedom and choices and to stop you from making decisions about things you need or are important to you.

2:24
They can also make it hard for you to ask for or receive help.

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It's important to remember that domestic and family violence is never OK.

2:34
You have the right to be safe and to feel safe, and to have healthy, positive relationships with people close to you.

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If you think your relationship is unhealthy or if you think you are experiencing domestic and family violence, support and help are available.

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You can find out more at our website www.qld.gov.au/neverok

Disagreements will happen in relationships, but violence and abuse are never okay.

In any relationship, there will be some disagreements and arguments. It’s okay to have different opinions.

What’s important is that you talk openly about it and resolve the situation, so you can understand each other better and it makes your relationship stronger. Sometimes this means agreeing to disagree or finding common ground to reach a compromise.

All relationships have challenges, but the key is to have more good times than difficult times. No matter what type of relationship you’re in, you have the right to be respected, to be valued and to always feel safe and be safe at all times.

Domestic and family violence or abuse are never okay and there are steps you can take to get help if you think it may be happening to you.

On this page:

the types of relationships where domestic and family violence can happen
the signs of a healthy relationship
useful links and resources

Different types of relationships

There are many different types of relationships.

Under Queensland’s laws, domestic and family violence can happen in:

romantic and intimate relationships
family relationships
informal carer relationships.

Romantic and intimate relationships

A romantic or intimate relationship is typically between people who are dating, living together, engaged or married.

Domestic and family violence can also happen between people that are no longer together, like separated or divorced couples.

We use the word ‘intimate’ to describe a relationship that is sexual. You can be romantic with someone without it being an intimate or sexual relationship.

Family relationships

Family are the people you are related to, like your mother, father, brother, sister, grandparent, aunty, uncle, cousin or children (including adult children). You may also have relatives by marriage, such as in-laws or step-parents.

In your culture, other people might also be called your family or kin, like Elders in Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander communities.

If you experience violence or abuse from your child who is under 18 years old, you still have a right to be protected. If you think this is happening to you, talk about it with someone you trust or contact a support service.

Informal carer relationships

Informal care relationships exist where one person is dependent on another person for help with essential daily tasks, such as dressing or grooming, meal preparation, grocery shopping or arranging medical care.

An informal carer could be your partner, family member, friend, neighbour or a member of your community. They might receive a carer payment from the Australian Government, but not always.

Informal care does not include help provided by a disability support worker.

Other types of relationship

No matter what type of relationship or care arrangement you have, if you think somebody is hurting or abusing you, help and support is available. You can talk about it with someone you trust or contact a support service.

Signs of a healthy relationship

It helps to understand what a healthy relationship is, so you can tell if your relationship is unhealthy or if you are in a domestic and family violence situation.

Every relationship is different, but whether it’s a romantic relationship or a relationship you have with a friend or family member, the signs of a healthy relationship are the same.

Below are signs of a healthy relationship and examples of how you and the other person might feel or behave. These are just some examples, it is not a complete list.

Respect

You respect each other and your differences.
You respect each other’s boundaries and can say ‘no’ to things you don’t want to do.
You believe each other to be trustworthy and honest.
You make decisions together.
You can make compromises because you respect each other’s opinions.
No one tries to control what the other person thinks, does, or says.

Kindness

You are there for each other through good times and bad times.
You show affection to one another.
You each do acts of kindness to make the other person happy.

Trust

You trust each other not to do anything hurtful or to ruin the relationship.
You don’t question each other’s intentions or whether they are being truthful.
You respect each other’s privacy and don’t expect to have access to the other person’s phone, email or social media.

Communication

You openly share your feelings, hopes and dreams.
You listen to each other’s ideas and opinions.
When you disagree, you have a respectful discussion where you listen to each other.
You can tell the person they are doing something that upsets you and they will try to change their behaviour.

Being equals

Everyone puts the same effort into making the relationship work.
No-one acts like their needs are more important than the other’s.
You make compromises when you disagree or don’t want the same thing.
You share responsibilities, like cooking, cleaning, parenting, or paying bills.
(Note: People have different ways of sharing expenses and tasks in their relationships. The arrangement should be discussed and agreed on together. It should feel like everyone plays an equal part.)
You have access to the resources you need, like money and transport.

Freedom

You enjoy spending time together as well as apart—either alone or with friends and family.
You support each other to have your own hobbies and interests, as well as other relationships with family and friends.
You don’t need to know about or be involved in every part of each other’s lives (e.g. all the places you go or the people you see or talk to).

Safety

You feel comfortable and safe in each other’s company.
If there is a problem, you can raise it with the other person without being scared of how they may react.
You don’t feel forced by the other person to do things you don’t want to do.
You don’t harm each other physically or say things that make the other person feel hurt or scared.
No-one makes threats about what will happen if they don’t get their way.

If you think you might be in an unhealthy or abusive relationship:

Please view our video about the different types of domestic and family violence
Find out the steps you can take to talk to someone about it or to get help.
If you’re unsure if you’re experiencing DFV or want more information to support, you can watch our are you experiencing DFV video

Useful links and resources

Below we include links to more information about healthy relationships that you might like to explore, including things to download, read, listen to or watch.

Download

The SECCA App is free and includes information for people of all ages and abilities about relationships and sexuality. It was developed by Sexuality Education Counselling and Consultancy Agency (SECCA) in Perth, Western Australia.

Read

Dating someone with a disability, Your Side (December 2020)
The realities of relationships with disability, ABC Everyday (May 2019)

Watch

Relationships Australia Victoria: Tips for a healthy relationship

In this video, Jayne Ferguson from Relationships Australia Victoria talks about the signs of healthy relationships and what to look out for in an unhealthy or abusive relationship.

Duration 01:36 |

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